Ever since I separated from my ex, I swore off "catching feelings" for any one. Anything that seems to be going toward even maybe perhaps thinking about maybe feeling something, I immediately remove myself from the situation. Now, with that being said, let's rewind a few months...January to be exact.
Now being the random person I am, I don't mind talking to people online because hey, I get bored. Wait...before I go any further, this isn't me saying 'Yes!! Meet people in public from online" it's a risk and can be dangerous. Getting back to said story...I met "Jody" online well over a year ago, I'm a member of a website that's a planetoid for people containing melanin (some of you will get that on the way home) and I got a little box saying that someone wanting to chat with me. I accepted it because, why not? Immediately, I went to his page and looked at his pics...not someone I'd "go for" but someone to talk to nonetheless.
Conversation grew & I felt comfortable enough to give him my Yahoo messenger name, it's the quickest way to contact me. Slowly, we talked and after a while he gave me his number (oh yea), occasionally we would text and what not. This went on for months; finally, we were supposed to get up one night. I got re-dressed and waited...and waited...and fell asleep. Now, this put a bad taste in my mouth about him. I chucked it up as another dumb ass person & kept it moving. Needless to say that number was erased off my phone.
A few weeks later...Jody contacted me. Saying that we should meet up for real. I obliged & we did. We went to a local wing & beer bar, headed there, I saw a tweeter in his car. Now, I didn't know what I tweeter is & I asked him what was it. I guess the way I asked him made him question his own self. The first 15 mins with the man, in person, and my inner blonde comes out...FULL BLAST. We laughed so hard & the rest of the night was like that.
Fast Forward to now, I've spent so much time with Jody it's like I can't not spend time with him. I'm at a point where it's like I'm in a constant state of PMS and Jody, he's my Chocolate I indulge in while listening to smooth R&B. Yes, it's just like that.
{insert the problems} I met him when he was single, now he's not. I don't want him to leave his woman so he can be my man, I want him to be single so I can not feel bad about what goes on. I mean, why would I want to (officially) be with him? If you cheated for me, why wouldn't you cheat on me? (thank you Ginuwine )
I tried to distance myself from him but that first full 24 hours actually ached, I really felt different knowing Jody wasn't going to be apart of my daily {routine}. At this point, I'm so conflicted I don't know what to do. A part of me is being selfish and wrong by stealing him because that's what I'm doing. Each time we're together, every hug is strong & meaningful, every kiss is euphorically toxic & the sex....*Geeking*.
But again, I'm on the side. Even though I get more attention & time than the actual woman; I get pissed when she calls or if I know he's with her. This is so just, not right. Plus, I've always been that friend to say "stop it" & try to put yourself in her position. What if she finds out? It's always the side chick who gets the short stick in the long run. And I'm soooo not up for having my feelings crushed again for the 2nd time in a two years. Damn, I have feelings for Jody....lastly, what makes this worse is that Jody reciprocates the feelings I have.
Go Kee...put this under the "Side Chick" series of your life.
Comments & Advice are welcomed. I know what I'm doing is wrong but I don't care (for now).
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