The last time I tried the relationship thing, I was 18.
We were inseparable the first two years of it, he accepted my two children & wanted to build on "us".
I was so elated that someone could and would love me for me and accept my flaws and my idiosyncratic ways.
In comes 2006 (I'm 20) when i learn I'm pregnant with our first child (my 3rd, his 1st). I'm thinking there is no way we can't do anything than get better.
***Boy was I wrong***
Our euphoria began to dissolve, rapidly. As reality set in that he wasn't going to be able to rip & run anymore, his excitement began to become discontent. All of a sudden, I'm 5 months pregnant and single. Yep. He sent me a text message that he didn't want me nor the child so he'd pay for my abortion. All true.
At that time I saw that he was more scared than anything so, I fought for us. After about a month, we were back together but the palpable love & that unmistakable beautiful bond that we once shared was gone.
We (barely) stayed together for two more years and we had another child together. By the time I left him, I was a broken shell. No longer did I believe in love or being happy or that any man would want me (now with 4 children).
Fastforward to 2010:
I'm now 24 still harboring the same feelings toward relationships. Secretly, I would love to have that one person who just by seeing makes my soul happy. Something so awesome between us that anyone near us could see it. I used to be in love with the idea of love, but now I know it's love that I'm in love with...no longer just the idea. I mean I think I could be a pretty great significant other however, like anyone, I have my faults & flaws.
Recently, I thought I found someone who accepted that. He lured me in with beautiful words spun so delicately I had not choice but to swoon over what may become. Promises of happiness and told how I'd be treated like a Queen by a "real" man. How he wanted someone to love and spoil if he received the same in return. I let down my guard for this man, I wore a dress!!! OMG!! I let feelings be expressed by me & I don't do that. I really hoped I had something going here.
Only to see after one real "date" I was laid claim to like property and told to drop all my friends. Now, I wouldn't have had a problem with that, it's just the way it was handled was immature. I figured hey, this guy is older than me (7 years) maybe I'll happily skip over the foolishness. **Damn, I am awesome at picking assholes**
And all this rant comes to this...I'm too much of me to be with anyone who can't accept me. I'm not gonna change an ounce of me for any of you. You met me being who & how I am. So how can you say you care if you want me to change? Alas, I think I'm going to be single for a while. ♥ Qué Será Será ♥
We were inseparable the first two years of it, he accepted my two children & wanted to build on "us".
I was so elated that someone could and would love me for me and accept my flaws and my idiosyncratic ways.
In comes 2006 (I'm 20) when i learn I'm pregnant with our first child (my 3rd, his 1st). I'm thinking there is no way we can't do anything than get better.
***Boy was I wrong***
Our euphoria began to dissolve, rapidly. As reality set in that he wasn't going to be able to rip & run anymore, his excitement began to become discontent. All of a sudden, I'm 5 months pregnant and single. Yep. He sent me a text message that he didn't want me nor the child so he'd pay for my abortion. All true.
At that time I saw that he was more scared than anything so, I fought for us. After about a month, we were back together but the palpable love & that unmistakable beautiful bond that we once shared was gone.
We (barely) stayed together for two more years and we had another child together. By the time I left him, I was a broken shell. No longer did I believe in love or being happy or that any man would want me (now with 4 children).
Fastforward to 2010:
I'm now 24 still harboring the same feelings toward relationships. Secretly, I would love to have that one person who just by seeing makes my soul happy. Something so awesome between us that anyone near us could see it. I used to be in love with the idea of love, but now I know it's love that I'm in love with...no longer just the idea. I mean I think I could be a pretty great significant other however, like anyone, I have my faults & flaws.
Recently, I thought I found someone who accepted that. He lured me in with beautiful words spun so delicately I had not choice but to swoon over what may become. Promises of happiness and told how I'd be treated like a Queen by a "real" man. How he wanted someone to love and spoil if he received the same in return. I let down my guard for this man, I wore a dress!!! OMG!! I let feelings be expressed by me & I don't do that. I really hoped I had something going here.
Only to see after one real "date" I was laid claim to like property and told to drop all my friends. Now, I wouldn't have had a problem with that, it's just the way it was handled was immature. I figured hey, this guy is older than me (7 years) maybe I'll happily skip over the foolishness. **Damn, I am awesome at picking assholes**
And all this rant comes to this...I'm too much of me to be with anyone who can't accept me. I'm not gonna change an ounce of me for any of you. You met me being who & how I am. So how can you say you care if you want me to change? Alas, I think I'm going to be single for a while. ♥ Qué Será Será ♥
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